for_that_summer (for_that_summer) wrote,

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has anyone ever told you

Dear Friend,
This whole quarter has been a mess. I want to cry every morning and night because this doesn't feel right. I'm failing in everything I do. I never expected to be the best. I never expected to do incredibly well. I just didn't think I'd be so miserable in class. I just took my finals and I feel like I'm done. My suicidal jokes aren't getting so funny anymore. Math is killing me slowly. Chem is a total mystery. Computer Science has been stabbing me incessantly. I hate it all. I'm not made for this college thing.
At least I will be back home. But something isn't right. Something in every area is wrong. People are getting hurt. Friends breaking ties with friends, kids fighting with parents, loved ones getting sick. Sudden breakups, my family going at it again, and now my mom might have lung cancer? Somehow things are upside down and I don't think there is a lot I can do to help. To make it all stop. I want to be there. I need to be there.

And yet, even though all these fucked up things are happening, I'm sitting here in front of someone who makes it okay in the end.

I'm confused and distracted, I know. But something about it feels right. He's my dorky best friend. And I'm completely infatuated.



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