for_that_summer (for_that_summer) wrote,

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the break i need

Dear Friend,
     Sorry it has been so long since the last time I updated. It's funny though; right now, my life is worth updating about.

     I don't know why he hates me so much. Maybe hate is a strong word but it pretty much sums it up. I have heard things and at first, I wallowed in self-pity. What have I done to make him think of me like that? What can I do to make things better. Tearing up at night didn't help. And then, I went to little social gathering not too long ago and I realized that I shouldn't care so much. No matter what, I'm always going to have friends who believe in me, believe that I am a good person. I make mistakes but I have never been what he is now describing to other people. I am not at fault for anything he has been saying and if there is something true, I will own up to it. I have owned up to some things I have completely forgotten about but I don't mind doing so because I know I should. I even gained forgiveness. Part of me thinks he feels I don't deserve any.
     But I have never been the monster he has been talking about. And all my - our - friends know that.
     I don't really know how to talk to him. We can be around all our friends and it could be normal, comfortable. But I don't see the point in saying anything when we are alone. Still, I am afraid I will say or do something that he will use against me. But really, I'm just done with him.
     He could keep saying things. I won't do anything about it, really. Because I'm moving and he is making it so much easier to leave.
     One of our friends have told me, "Maybe this is the break you need."

     So I'm going to go. As soon as summer is over, I'm going to go and start over.
     I deserve to be happy.


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